Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
