Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize