what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize