I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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