Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
