im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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