Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I touched a dick in church today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
