we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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