It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
