I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
