sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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