peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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