i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Never joke about your clitoris.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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