Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
