i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Text me some of your sweat
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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