shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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