I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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