Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize