Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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