I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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