he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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