The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
