ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
