So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
