She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
