I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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