Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
