My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
