his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
