Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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