Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
