Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
