I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
