I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
