if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
