The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
