You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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