I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
