I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
