the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no, he came in my armpit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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