2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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