What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
