Got a toothbrush?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
