I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
