I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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