Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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