I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize