Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
