Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
