Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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