dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
