dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
