I faked an abortion last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
