me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
