I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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