tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
