I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize