you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
