dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
