I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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