If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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