walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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