Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
