I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
