i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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