look no pants
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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