Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
