Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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