My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
