you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
