Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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