just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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