I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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