; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
