Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
