You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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