it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
