I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
